Old Men in Sweats! ™
By: Tommy T. & Barry D.
Volume 31
The Warriors Pre-Obituary (Game 5!?)
“Turn out the lights the party’s over.”
That’s the old song Dandy Don Meredith used to sing at then end of Monday Night Football in the 70’s.
“All good things must come to end. Turn out the lights the party’s over.”
While it ain’t over til it's over. The Old Men in Sweats say… “IT’S OVER!”
We don’t care if Durant makes his first appearance in a month in Game 5. You know why we don’t care? Because it’s his first appearance IN A MONTH. What do you think Durant is going to do tonight? Play 35 minutes, drop a tight 30 points, and harass Kawhi all over the court? PPFFFFFSSSS!!!! Think again. And again. And again.
KD is finished for the year. Even if he does show up tonight, which is still highly debatable, he’s finished. He’s injured. Seriously injured! You know how we know he’s seriously injured? Because he didn’t play in Game 4. If he wasn’t seriously injured the Warriors would have forced him onto the Oracle floor to tie up this series at 2-2. KD is finished.
And so is Demarcus Cousins. OMG is Cousins injured or did he just turn 48 over night? We’ve never seen a 6’11” player get his shot blocked MORE than Cousins in this series. At this point Cousins is getting the same lift off the floor as our grandmamas. Nada lift! Cousins can’t jump. He can’t move. And he can’t play. But the Warriors keep running him out there, albeit slowly, to try and stop the Raptors tornado of an offense. You know who else is injured? Klay. And Looney. And Iguodala Yeah like we wrote before Game 2, the Warriors, as all dynasties will do, are limping to the finish line.
But let’s get it straight from the top. Even if the Warriors are 100% they still might not beat the Raptors in a 7 game series. Because the Raptors have the undisputed best player in the world. And the Raptors’ best player is unlike most best players in the world. He doesn’t talk nonsense. Hell he barely talks at all. But what he doesn’t do for sure is talk any mess. Any garbage. Kawhi Leonard is hellbent on taking over the BBW crown and he has made it a Usain Bolt runaway. Kawhi scores from anywhere on the floor. Anywhere. And we believe he’s missed one free throw the entire series. Or not much more than one. How do you stop a guy who shoots from anywhere, then when you foul him he drains over 90% of his foul shots? Fuhgeddaboudit!!
Plus the Raptors have used the luxury of this deep playoff run to develop their potential new star, Pascal Siakam. We made fun of Pascal after Game 7 of the Philly series when Paskal panicked and refused to shoot the ball in that game. He looked like Tommy T.’s little brother 35 years ago in Fran Allison Basketball going, “Help! Help!” whenever he got double teamed. But again, the Raptors were able to keep winning and keep placing Siakam in difficult situations. And you know what? The kid from New Mexico State University by way of Cameroon has grown up pretty fast in the ensuing 3 to 4 weeks. Siakam looks bona fide now. Like he went through a couple March Madness runs with a Duke or Kentucky team and now understands what American basketball pressure is all about. Siakam is killing the Warriors. Now that the Raptors have two 6’8” ballhandlers, slashers, and rebounders doing serious damage they can spread the wealth around to the rest of their roster. Lowry, Green, VanVleet (gotta be Drake’s Brother from a different Baby Mama), Gasol, Ibaka all have contributed in a pressure-free environment. This Raptors team is just eating up GSW. Like the carnivores they are.
You know in the 3 games the Raptors have won so far, we realized won thing that can’t be said. The Warriors should have won Game 1, or Game 3, or Game 4. Because the Warriors shouldn’t have won any of the three. They were clearly outplayed in all three. And the one game they did win the Warriors easily should have lost. Now we know it’s not over yet. The Warriors could get hot in Game 5 and we could see Steph and Klay go for a combined 70 points and they could steal one at ScotiaBank Arena. But come on! Really? That’s going to happen tonight? And what, the Warriors are going back to Oracle for one last time and win Game 6? Then come back to Toronto and steal Game 7 on the loudest homecourt in the NBA? With KD, Boogie, Klay, Iggy all banged up? Really that’s going to happen? Now the Old Men in Sweats don’t bet much on the games, because, well these things can be tricky. But, we just can’t see the Warriors pulling this one out. If it happens it happens. But you know what? It ain’t gonna happen.
After tonight’s game the obit will read: The Golden State Warriors dynasty passed away from natural causes last night. They were surrounded by fans and family at their bedside. And they’re survived by members of the 2002 Lakers, 1998 Bulls, 1988 Lakers, 1986 Celtics, and the Celtics of the 1960s.
Rest in Peace GSW. You were a great dynasty to watch over the last 5 years. You revolutionized the game and contrary to what Chas Barkley says, you made the game fun to watch again.
Who’s next up?
-OMIS
“PREACHIN’ SPORTS KNOWLEDGE FOR A LIFETIME!”