Old Men in Sweats! TM
By: Tommy T. & Barry D.
Volume 21
400 million? I don’t think so!
That’s what Bryce Harper and his super agent are asking for on the open market this winter. 400… Million… Dollars! Harper is one of the young stars of MLB. He’s baseball’s version of Lebron James. A phenom. We knew about Bryce before we ever saw Bryce. That’s how it was with Lebron. We heard all these stories of this huge kid from Mormon country (Las Vegas actually) who hit the ball like Babe Ruth and had the same braggadocio style as the Babe. Remember when Babe was asked about making more money than the President of the United States? And he answered, “Well I had a better year than the President.” That was Bryce Harper when he first arrived as a 19 year-old in our nation’s capital. Washington Nationals just got a new stadium and they couldn’t have asked for a more perfect star than the pompadour-wearing Harper. Harper was brash, young, muscular with hair flying everywhere as he ran full bore into the outfield walls. You had to love the way Harper came onto the scene.
But now Harper is eligible for free agency. His agent is Scott Boras who is already on record as declaring Bryce the first $400 million player. Boras rationale is a simple one. Mike Trout and Giancarlo Stanton have already cracked the $300 million barrier and baseball contracts never go down. Boras just keeps things simple. He keeps moving the pay scale up and up and up. He almost never lets his clients re-sign with their original team without first trying free agency. Boras’ business model is also simple. Become a free agent and let the bidding war begin. It could be risky with a pitcher always facing the Tommy John dilemma, but someone like Harper it’s the best way to get top dollar.
The Nationals haven’t really reaped any Bryce Harper rewards over the last seven seasons. They’ve never done a damn thing in the playoffs. Always blowing close series with the Cards, Dodgers, Giants, and Cubs. All of their playoff losses over the last five years were so close all they really needed was Harper to step up and have a monstrous series. But the potential $400 million man has a lifetime average in the playoffs of .211. Yup. 2 freakin’ 11.
I couldn’t believe it either. His on base percentage is only .315. That means the other playoff teams aren’t even pitching around him. They’re pitching TO HIM!. Harper has 5 career playoff home runs.
I’m sorry but there should be a law on the books that states “It is illegal and punishable by ten years in jail to have a contract that is nearly double your career playoff batting average.”
$400 million?!?! Who are you kidding Boras? There’s no way Bryce is worth anywhere near that threshold. He’s currently batting .248. His team won’t make the playoffs this year. He has only played at least 150 games once in his first six seasons. Only hit over 40 homers once in the first six seasons. And before this year his second highest total was only 29 home runs. But here’s maybe the worst stat ever… Harper never drove in 100 runs. 99 is the highest. And never sniffed 90 RBI again. From your clean-up hitter. From your slugger. Who has played on playoff teams. How can you not even stumble into 100 RBI? Talk about overrated.
Now don’t get me totally wrong. Bryce Harper is still a nice player. He’s a bona fide clean-up hitter that is essential to have in the middle of your order. He’s cool. He’s got a nice flair to his game. He’s likable and has star written all over him. I like watching Bryce Harper play the game. But if I’m running a MLB team and Boras calls me, I’m laughing so hard into the phone, the super agent is going to have to tell his client, “Oh I couldn’t get ahold of that Tallarino guy.” He’s going to have to lie to Harper. Because there’s no way I’m talking about a $400 million deal for Harper. No way in hell. Sorry Scott. If you want to start around $200 million then I’ll stop laughing and listen. But $400 million? I’d rather take the Oakland A’s or Tampa Bay Rays route and field a team that only totals $50 million for the entire roster yet plays such a great brand of baseball that I can’t stop pulling for them. Ya gotta love the Oakland A’s this year. Who’s their highest paid player? Khris Davis? Marcus Semien? Who? You can’t tell me can you? I’ll bet you don’t even know what positions Davis or Semien play. And there’s my point made with an exclamation! You don’t need a $400 million player in your lineup if he’s a complete fraud. A total choke artist. If your $400 million guy’s only claim to recent success is winning the home run derby with his father pitching to him then you run like hell when Boras approaches you.
But some idiot will pay. Maybe the Yankees will get so desperate after losing to the dreaded Red Sox again that they’ll blow up their current pay structure and pony up the $400 mill. Or maybe Angels’ owner Artie Moreno will somehow forget about that ridiculous Albert Pujols $250 million contract and meet Boras’ demands. Or Texas, Arizona, even Philadelphia could surprise. But that’s about it. Oh wait, can the Cubs jump into the fray? They have the money. They would love another superstar in their outfield. Maybe Boras and Harper will read this blog and laugh at me… saying, “Those Old Men in Sweats don’t know s**$!! Watch us extract $400 million from one of these teams.”
That’s how it probably will go. Harper will enter the free agent market this winter and Boras will go silent on the potential offers. Then we’ll all be saying “there’s no way anybody is paying $400 million for that guy.” Then right after the holidays we’ll wake up on a Monday or Tuesday morning in January and Harper will be on ESPN wearing a Cubs hat.
You just gotta love baseball. They sure can throw around that money.
-OMIS
OMIS: “PREACHING SPORTS KNOWLEDGE FOR A LIFETIME!”